She

Saw NOTTING HILL TODAY ... I guess for the 7th time.Few friends came to my room to pick me up for the movie (to be viewed on computer next room). Well, I decided not to be the party pooper and joined them.

The movie is over. And all I can remember now is the title song ...... Here are the lyrics.
Not really in a mood to write anything. Njoy .

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She may be the face I can't forget
A trace of pleasure or regret

May be my treasure or the price I have to pay

She may be the mirror Of my dream
A smile reflected in a stream

She may not be what she may seem inside her shell

She who always seems so happy in a crowd
Whose eyes can be so private and so proud

No one's allowed to see them when they cry

She may be thelove that cannot hope to last
May come to me from shadows of the past

That I'll remember till the day I die

She may be the reason I survive
The why and wherefore I'm alive

The one I'll care for through the rough And ready years
Me, I'll take her laughter and her tears
And make them all my souvenirs

For where she goes I've got to be
The meaning of my life is She
She
Oh, she


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

No one remembers my name

Believe it or not, I've been listening to Jailhouse Rock - Elvis for past two days in a row.....I wrote this one way back.

----------------------------------------------

No one remembers my name


My worst fear has come true
I should have thought this through
My picture misses in the frame
No one remembers my name

Should have seen it come
Should'nt have kept mum
Wish I could replay this game
No one remembers my name

Betrayed by those whom I trusted
Shatters the faith enthrusted
Why am I to feel the shame
No one remembers my name

Quote ::

India is the cradle of the human race, the birthplace of human speech, the mother of history, the grandmother of legend and the great grand mother of tradition.

Mark Twain.

That singlemost dreadful moment !!!

I'm listening to "Dont Chaa - Pussycat Dolls"
Actually have a headache....and thats a rare thing.

The agony of getting out of bed early morning!! Every normal human being must have felt it at some moment or the other.

It has been like this for the past 4 years. Hostel life is all about night life, everything happens under the cover of darkness. The power of BLACK brings out the actual person within.

As I woke up today (Monday, 8:50 am) I was totally hapless. My body was paining, red shot burning eyes, headache (I was'nt drinking last night, just 4-5 games of volleyball followed by a traditional visit to the canteen) .... and still I had to get up and go to class. And on top of it, had to sit in the second row as all the back benches were filled before I reached.

And there I wrote another poem,describing that moment when the alarm clock jolts you out of your wonderland.

**********************************************
The Alarm

The light spreads out,
chasing the darkness away,
Birds chirping all around,
embracing the new day,

Cozy in my bed,
cherishing my wild dreams,
As I forget my dread,
Kept alongside my alarm screams,

Jolted out of my wonderland,
my world comes crashing down,
Numbness in my legs and hand,
Consciousness begins to drown,

But the clock keeps screaming,
Loud and wide,
Slowly the reality sinks in,
Demeaning my pride,

Classroom beckons,I've got to attend,
My voyages in dreamland come to an end,

With a heavy head and a sour heart
I droll out of my bed,
Joyous feelings escape to the dark,
The soul fills with dread,

The screeching sound is unbearable now,
Wish I could change this world somehow,


But this is the mark of my laziness,
This is how I belong,
This world thrives on crazyness,
And my odyssey will carry on.


QUOTE :::

We owe a lot to the Indians, who taught us how to count, without which no worthwhile scientific discovery could have been made.

Albert Einstein.

The phoenix

There are so many people in this world who are unhappy. And the main problem is that they dont know the cause of this unhappiness.Everything around just seems to fall apart.Each new step becomes another mistake. Friends move further away. Conflicts within decay the spirit.I see so many such lives around me,who are merely alive because they are'nt dead.

And this got me thinking. And the thoughts translated into what is written below.

______________________________________________

The phoenix

There have been instances
People devoid of senses
Barricaded within iron fences
Worn down by offences

Horizons fade away,endless,brittle
Inertia takes over,roads disappear
The sparkle and glitter,all frittle
Pierces our heart a morgul spear

And in the lives,silence creeps
Somewhere in grief a widow weeps
In our hearts, darkness seeps
somehow we forget our greatest leeps

How can we let down our guard
Why simplest of things now seem so hard
Looms large the menace of credit card
We need to try, we need to try hard

For the phoenix will rise from its ash
A fiery globe, a distant flash
Our faiths and beliefs may clash
But finally, this gloominess will crash
This gloominess will crash
It'll have to crash

^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^

Quote :::

Live for the love of life; Not for the fear of death.

Use your grey cells B4 they turn white

I often brood on things. Sometimes for insanely long stretch of time.Dont know whether it is good or bad.It does take a lot of my time. I've acquired notorious titles from my friends like "The invincible planner" or "Systematic Kutta". But it has helped me draw a clear picture of the most important aspects of my life. My process of thinking
is now highly channelised and produces very good results in a very short time. And documenting it marks the icing on the cake.In fact, I believe you reach the heights of your actual self-introspection when you are able to write down your thoughs pin-point on a piece of paper.

And its benefits go a long way. You will ALWAYS have a productive argument or discussion. You might not always come on top,but you wont waste time rambling over some arbitrary notion. You'll immediately know when is the discussion going off track, whether the other person is wrong or you are wrong.The objectivity of your conversation increases.

So I urge all of you to think. And start to pen down your thoughts. It could be on a blog or your personal diary, or any arbitrary piece of paper for that matter which you might preserve or destroy.

You'll immediately see the difference once you do it 3 or 4 times. At the beginning, you'll marvel at your incompetence to express yourself,especially in english (not being our mother tongue).This habit has made me realise how to streamline the thought process and also, the importance of vocabulary.


QUOTE :

Google's done a super job on search. Apple's done a great job on the iPod. We're a company that's brave enough to say that we'll keep those categories very competetive and see what we can do to come up with something that is even better in the years ahead.

Microsoft chairman BILL GATES , in TIME magazine.

Back to college

Sitting in here, whistling "Winds of change" to myself.
There is nothing that comes near the feeling. Nothing.
Aaaah ......... it hurts so beautifully.
Returned home just now. Yeah, this does feel like home.Its 3:30 am, and as expected, half of the college is awake. More so because of Maddu farewell party, and almost everyone is OUT.
Good to sit at my PC again. Missed it dearly when I was home. PC, Internet, Alcohol, Night Outs,Muzic...gotta feel home, is'nt it?

I was feeling so weary just half an hour ago in train, and now I feel like being reborn. The vibe caught me even as I was stepping into the hostel.
Exotic.
I bet no spa could have rejuvinated me better than this.
Had a couple of pegs, and I feel better already. Everyone's chilling.

It’s good to hear Rock n roll again.
Wow ... simply wow.

Gotta go out and join the party now. There's so much to share ....this trip has given me a hell lot of time to think (24 x 2 = 48 hours in train, in the scorching April heat)

So goodbye for now

People

I dedicate this song to condemn the malice and hatred prevailing in this beautiful world.To the society that interfares in an individual's life, curbing his status,his instinct,drowning his soul in blood.

I also want to spare a few words for the song "Lake of fire" from Nirvana...it made the thoughts on my mind jut flow out on paper

**********************************************

People

People,walking down the street
People,in a crowd discreet
People,ya they do mistreat
People,they wont retreat

People,judging you
People,walking all over you
People,teaching you
People,preaching you

You,You may fight back
You may try to walk your track
You,'ll be framed a rebel
You,'ll be made to shiver and treble

And You, you stand alone
You, just another clone
Feel like your mind is blown
Yeah,your blood has flown

Be original, please will you?
Be what you truly are
And when cobwebs consume you
remember a booming flower

THOUGHT OF THE MOMENT :

Break on through to the other side

The enigma called "COLLEGE"

I wrote down these lines in the agony and pain of studying in our education system. Frustrated to the edge and listening to "Another brick in the wall"

**********************************************

There it comes again,that dreadful moment. Sunday night.Its 3:00 am. I should be in bed right now,because I have a fucking "class" to attend tomorrow, 8:00 am.

There comes the burden of assignments,reloaded. I was supposed to do a couple of problems for the first class, and bring a log-log graph paper for the second one. I have done neither. Can I skip tomorrow?

Well,the answer is obviously NO. Gotta be a good student, you see. Thats what my parents send me here for. To become a good engineer, to learn stuff, to excell in my career and so on.Naah...I should cut the crap - my attendence is'nt that impressive.

But the weekend blows all this shit out of everybody's mind. Its friday 4:30 pm and whoooaaaaaaaaa !!!
All hell breaks loose. One can see it all...The smirk on everyone's face,that they've successfully (God knows) swam through another week,fulfilling their credits.The happiness and joy is in the air. Its all happening.Reckless madness prevails everywhere...the canteen,the playgrounds,the hostels,the mess...

And then the two days pass by. You really dont know it until its closing time.Weekend are always toooo short.

Yep. The honeymoon gets over. You see ahead the mountain that you have to scale.Sometimes it gets cold and misty,sometimes it throws fire.The very thought of it leaves me miserable.The 5 long days that lie ahead seem an everlasting,daunting task. Another week of lectures. Another week of getting up early. Another week of being ridiculed by Professors.Its a viscious circle,the sarcasm just never ends.

But still we carry on. we are the brave new generation that knows how to live through this madness. We work together. We share, we cooperate,we save each others ass and we sail through the storm. The uphill ride isnt always the most easy one, but it sure makes a man out of us.

The academic credentials we obtain though this tortorous regime are credible. But there's much more to college than this. It defines our professional character. It provides us a peep into the world that lies outside the campus walls. It teaches us how to cope with idiots, how to deal with systems, how to bend rules, how to save our conscience in the midst of the joke that this society is. Its all about finding your own voice in the crowd.

My college is almost over, and this makes me sad. I can't even imagine my life without this schedule.I've been institutionalised. I've learned so much here...

I guess college education is a hell lot more than just academics. It puts you in typical "catch-22" situations,where your moral fibre is questioned. The whole thing seems absurd,but its the truth. You meet people. you get to know that the worls isnt fair. Once the initial shock sets in, you are ready to Rock n Roll. Thats what its all about. Thats the sole education that every body inevitably attains ... how to decide at the crossroads of life !!!

HOW TO DECIDE

Its 3:45 am now.The Proff will definitely kick me out. But I'm not worried. I can handle it. I'll HAVE to handle it. Thats how life is .. once the wheels are set in motion, one has to carry on.

Kudos to the valour of youth and the splendour of a free mind.


THOUGHT OF THE MOMENT :

From "Rang de basanti"

College ke gate ke is taraf hum log duniya ko nachate hai
Aur gate ke us paar duniya hame nachati hai

My existence is in vain

Another poetic outburst of mine . . . I would like to pay regards to my Professors whose dull and boring classrooms spur students and make them realise new heights of creativity.
In no other circumstances do I see myself writing a ROMANTIC poem.
As a pure piece of creativity, it sucks. But something like this from a guy like me, that counts for something.

**********************************************


I'm sitting alone, the breeze soothing my hair
I feel empty, don't know to go where

I've had my share of failure
Truly speaking, I really dont care

Am I a looser,well, I hav no regrett
But there's sth I need, and I reach for a cigarette

But Somewhere inside, I know I miss her
Her very thought makes my inside stir

Perhaps I had a chance
I shud've taken a stance
But I screwed it up
And now I've my empty cup

She makes me burn
She makes me cry
Although I've been cynical
I ought to giv it a try

She's a gentle breeze, she is my vintage wine
No..there's no sleeze, she's my little shrine

She reaches into me, and I connect to her
As I think of her, everything goes blurr

I see her, though she is faceless
I feel her, don't tell me it's baseless

I've never felt so, she's just amazing
Feels as I'm gonna melt, when she comes blazing

Her serenity resembles the moonlight
The thought of loosing her, gives me sheer fright

She's my destiny, and I need to follow
Or else,the bitter truth, I'll have to swallow

No one can take her from me
she's in my mind
And as they say
Love is blind

She's my soul
She's my life
I want her to be my friend
And more throughout my life

The thought of being without her, freaks me out
I feel numb, shadowy fear begins to sprout

I've got to tell her
I've nothing to fear
And as I think of it
I've got in my eye a tear

Would it be flowers
Or mere words would do
Would there be monsoon showers
There're expectations I've to live up to

I'm wasted, but not useless
GOD I'll try, not being faceless

There I go, talking about God
Myself being an agnostic, this sure is fraud

She makes me do things I never dream of
The thought of being apart, makes me scream off

I see hope, thats all I see
Coz I cant live this way
And she'll come, smiling at me
And all my fears will flay

A new sky and a new earth
The candle will light
A new me will take birth
I'll not give up, not without a fight

And that will be
The beginning of an odeyssey
Which'll pull my life, out of mediocracy

So I pray, on the edge of love
I wanna live again
All along I've been in pain
Now I rise and make my claim
As without her,my existence is in vain
my existence is in vain
my existence is in vain
my existence is in vain
.....

A HARMLESS VICE

Almost a third of my batchmates smoke. And around a fifth of them are regular ones. I wrote this just out of the blue ... from the perspective of a smoker.

**********************************************

I was a good boy … I didn’t smoke.
But now…I’m a regular , and sometimes I wonder.... Why the hell do I smoke ?

There seems to be no answer....and pondering over the thought, I reach out for another ciggerate.

CIGGERETE SMOKING IS INJURIOUS TO HEALTH. We all know it. The psyche of a common person is bombarded with this notion ever since he/she is born.Its all over the place......television, print, even on ciggerette packets.... and still 60% people people on this planet die a premature death because of smoking.

Why does then a sensible person start to smoke? And why can't he quit ? I bet this riddle would give Einstein a run for his money.

The intense Anti-smokine campaign that a child is subjected to right from the begining has its effect. Young restless minds are there for moulding. Its a spectacular campaign, supported by the three pillars of modern society : politicians,attorneys and Media.

The child knows right from the begining "its bad to smoke". The initial prejudice is very strong....and still, somewhere, somehow, the instinct prevails.

Normally its a dejected, bereft teenager, albeit with some guts, that picks the ciggerate.
Somewhere down the line,the image of a macho (not physically) gets reinforced (Owing to media campaigns by tobacco companies: courtsey Marlboro). Everybody loves a rebel, and smoking is a harmless vice, which sends the message. The feeling of defying the usual societal norm satisfies the Ego of the teenager,giving him a sense of pride and self esteem.

In some cases, the prejudice is weakened if someone elder in the family smokes. This nudges a normal child towards it, owing primarily to curiosity. And then before he knows, it become a habit. And by the time he realises it has become a habit, it actually has become an addiction.

Another major factor is "peer presure".These are usually the school/college friends of the person who starts smoking on his own. They start it as they are too weak to take this decision on their own, and are glad to find someone near to look up to, someone around, who is of same age. These are the guys who usually become chain smokers, because they lack the spine to revert to the non-smoking lifestyle later on.

Another category is of people who want to have an experience of everything. These guys are usually the achievers in life. Good academic record, sound financial background, a belief in themselves (could be somewhat misplaced). They have the desire to remain a step ahead of contemporaries.... to show off that they are allrounders. They primarily believe in the philosophy of "been there, done that".These guys usually quit once they've proven their point...or maybe when their parents ask him/her to do so... or maybe when their spouse asks him/her to do so... or at least when the doctors tell them some years later that they have to give up to live.

What makes people continue smoking? Once the initial age passes, and better sense sets in, what makes people continue with their puffs ...

I guess the answer lies within the individual.the smoker and his cigeratte - Its an intimate relationship...very very private.

Whenever you are in distress, the cigarette is always there. Whenever you are sad, the cigarette is always there. Whenever you are at a loss of words, the cigarette is always there. Whenever you want to celebrate, the cigarette is always there. It doesn't ask awkward uncomfortable questions, it doesn't give advice, it doesn't expect anything from you...
No matter at what crossroad you are in your life, THE CIGARETTE IS ALWAYS THERE.

The psychological effect is hard hitting, and the person thinks of the cigarette as his/her best friend. Someone who'll be there, always.

The relationship has no hassles... no misunderstandings, no commitments, no ego clashes.

This also acts as the strong bridge that often forms the crux of matter between friends. It's true, at any given place, in a group of total strangers, those who smoke are most likely to form the best group ... and that too in no time.The urge to be together is very strong,as very few like to smoke alone. A smoker instinctively likes another smoker, feels comfortable in the other's presence.

This habit reduces the insecurity of a common day to day looser. The person feels complete with a cigeratte in his hand. It becomes an indispensible part of his life. It consumes the person. The enigmatic wisps of smoke take their toll, slowly.

But smoking is bad. Period. Its effects on your health are simply unmanagable once you get addicted. It ruins your health, and your relationships with those around you who don't smoke. Your body craves for more nicotine, and the viscious circle engulfs you. Toubles will far outnumber your imagination .... Cancer, Heart diease, Fluctuating blood Pressure, pathetic stamina, loss of fertility, breathing problems... maybe I could write a seperate blog post on this.

I sincerely believe that the person who gives up smoking has tremendous inner strength. It's easier to reduce the no of ciggeretts from say 20-30 to 1-2 per day....but its a herculean task to reduce from 20-30 to ZERO.

Do it as soon as you can. Do it before you regrett it. Do it before you have to visit a doctor. If you enjoy smoking and think you are not addicted, try this. Keep aside at least a couple of days per week on which you wont smoke at all. Let these days be fixed to start with, then let them be picked up by someone else at random. Then move on and limit the no. of cigarettes per day. Try reshuffling your schedule to reduce the stay at "Smoke hangout points". If possible, try and reduce the time you spend with your smoking pals. Let your friends and family support you on this.

This habit dies hard, so start working on it now. Help yourself, so that one day you will be able to remember these smoking days of yours without any regret and remorse. Smoking for a short while for fun is a bliss, prevent it from becoming a nightmare. Because if it does become your nightmare, believe me, it will be of the worst kind. These will form the happy memories,the memorable time you had with your buddies, the fun you had with that cigarette in your hand ...


THOUGHT OF THE DAY :

IF YOU ARE DOING SOMETHING WRONG, THEN BETTER DO IT RIGHT

My body is in grave

I wrote this down in canteen. Just a random thought, which transpired into this poem.

**********************************************

I walk on the sea shore
Looking for that wave
My heart is sore
My body's in grave

The horizons beyond becon
Nows the time to reckon

Coz life's a reckless whore
And no one's comin to save
My heart is sore
My body's in grave

We laugh for repute
We cry for repute
We live for repute
We die for repute

Somwhere whispers a lorikeet
Singing alone on a lonely street

But I feel no more
Sth's there for which I crave
My heart is sore
My body's in grave

I'm bound by a chain
Standing alone on savana plane
Bereft of joy
Could lord giv me a toy

I wanna sit n play on floor
Oh! wish i was naive
My heart is sore
My body's in grave

QUOTE:

Anything worth doing is always hard to do

Turn around

Everyone loves beauty. Even those who don't admit it....

Turn around

Moonlight piercing through the sky
Its tenderness just makes me cry
My feet are unstable on the ground
Turn around, please, turn around

I've been an idiot,I regret
But chances aren't taken without some threat
In the dreadful silence, I yearn for your sound
Turn around, please, turn around

I ignored u when u were there
I'm sorry, oh my holy prayer
Only u can heel this bleeding wound
Turn around, please, turn around

The hope within withers away
I still have my sentence to pay
Sadness engulfs me, all abound
Turn around, please, turn around

I wanna redeem, giv me a chance
I wanna touch u, I wanna dance
You'll be my princess, happy and crowned
Turn around, please, turn around


THOUGHT OF THE MOMENT :

I always wanted to be someone, wish I was more specific

The First Post

Well .... 1st post on this blog.

Nth much to write, hav been thinking for some time about regularly updating my journal. So,here I go....

Its saturday, no class ,and incidently ,no assignment as well. So I'm all by myself.

Its been a typically lackluster day upto now. Got up at 9 am,had breakfast. Saw a chinese movie "To Live" . Serious,tragic, set in the backdrop of Communist China from 1940s to 1970s. Good movie if you r in a mood to watch serious stuff...does get you thinking.

Getting really bored right now. The whole body is aching, coz of 9 consequtive volleyball matches played last night (we were all awake upto 3:30 am). Guess i should hav had some more sleep. Did'nt even take an afternoon nap.
It was damn too good. This time,an open tournament,knockout pattern where participants had to choose their own team.We had 5 teams (2 form 3rd year).

Exhaustive and exciting - Thats what those 4 hours were. And we, on the brink of going out in the league (had to defeat the Mining Machinery - Petro combine by at least 9 points) went on to win Volley Rockers III. Life is strange indeed.

And finally Finished Sam Walton's book on Wal-Mart yesterday (Made in America). Good read. Gave it to Parag at breakfast, who has been pestering me for quite some time now to finish the book. Interesting to know the initial growth story of a $318 bn retailing giant. Their method, approach and cultue.

As of now I'm reading YES MINISTER (By Jonathan Lynn and Anthony Jay), and its fun to know that politicians and beurocrats are more or less same all around the world. All have same thick skin, king size egos and least concern for public.

Maybe I should take a shower now and then head for the canteen, or maybe Emerald.

THOUGHT OF THE MOMENT :

" SO DARK IS THE CON OF MAN "